She’s sitting across the room. She’s beautiful. You’ve got the skills to approach her. Maybe it’s a nightclub or a a bookstore and nobody knows each other.
Or maybe it’s a social circle situatoin. Maybe a house party. Maybe a dinner party. A seminar. A yoga class. An improv comedy class. A work function. A dance class.
In a non-social circle situation, you can approach the girl right away. Or you can talk to other people in the room. It’s not as big a deal.
But in social circle situations, sometimes you want to bide your time. You still want to be the most social guy in the room, but there’s no need to show interest right away. Biding your time can be in your favor.
At this point, I believe that body language is paramount. What you do with your eye gaze and body language orientation will demonstrate your power in this situation.
If you guys are like me, you love to look at beautiful women. I check out hot girls all the time.
Men are built differently. We get gratification from visual stimulation.
That hot girl walks by and I check her out. She walks by again and I check her out again. I keep looking. I enjoy looking.
Not that women don’t like looking at men, but it’s not as huge an urge. They don’t get as much pleasure as men do. Multiple studies have shown that the brain is not as visually stimulated seuxally in women as in men.
So what do I do in a social situation? I check the girl out. And I keep checking her out. Even though I already have the information.
I know she’s hot. I know I’m attracted to her.
This is the point at which I advise to NOT keep checking her out. After you initially look at her, do not keep looking her way.
Do not continue to “steal glances.” Do not continue to look at her without speaking to her. She can sense it. And so can everyone else in the room.
Your eye gaze has power. You gain confidence from people looking at you. And you get people looking at you when you are confident.
Lance Mason, founder of Pickup 101, talks about this concept as well. The manager of a restaurant will get attraction from all the waitresses in the restaurant simply because whenever he walks across the restaurant, all eyes are on him. Everyone is watching to see what he’s doing.
In studying social geometry in primates, Michael Chance reveals that in any social interaction
There is a persistent focusing of attention by all subordinate members of rank-ordered primate groups toward the alpha or dominant animal, usually without its taking specific action to attract this constant attention.
And this makes sense. Everybody watches the leader to see what he’s going to do next.
Think about this in a social situation. Instead of you stealing glances at the attractive girl, every once in a while you catch her looking at you.
How do you feel at that point? Pretty good, right? You start to gain confidence in that situation.
I’m not saying you should never look at an attractive woman. If and when you do look at her, look deliberately and slowly. Do not look away if she looks at you. Let her look away first.
And there are other aspects to being attractive in social situations, such as speaking loudly, being the most fun guy in the room, taking the lead. But pay careful attention where you place your gaze. Your gaze has power and should be treated as such.
Once you finally speak to the girl, whether you are introduced to her or take the opportunity to walk up to her and say “I don’t believe we’ve met,” your interest in her will be seen as interest from an equal or from an attractive cool guy, rather than someone already completely sold on her for her beauty. [Via ApproachAnxiety]